Just some thoughts.....

         Since becoming a Mom I feel like I have seen and experienced so many things already. I know that this is only the beginning and that the experiences that are to come are going to be just as eye opening and life changing. But until I get to those moments I can only comment on what I know so far. In the past 10 1/2 months I have been overwhelmed, scared, joyful, happy, sad, depressed, frustrated, angry, I have felt like a failure and I have had moments of feeling like I just might be getting the hang of this.
          For those who know me can  attest to the fact that I like being prepared and I like to have control of all my circumstances. Feeling out of control and not prepared is a scary and most often very discouraging place for me to be in. Parenting has been that only life experience where I feel like I have met my match as far as being in control and always being prepared. I have allowed things I have read, peoples comments and opinions,and the little voice inside my head to dictate and measure my success and/or failure as a mother. Women have a way with words, as you may know. We know how to build each other up but we are masters at  knowing how to tear each other down. As mothers we all have this desire to be the best we can be. To have it all together, to be the mother of the year. NO ONE can see our failures or insecurities because, God forbid, we ever be labeled as a Bad Mom. Why do we do this to ourselves!!!!!!! We all know deep down inside that no one is perfect. We all have strengths and weakness. We are human beings for goodness sake!! Yet we continually judge each other or say things that tear each other down just because we have this need to feel better about our position in the world.
      Can I be honest with you all......being a parent is hard. In the last couple of months I have agonized over ever decision, I have lost sleep, I have felt lonely, depressed, overwhelmed. I have felt ashamed because I was not able to give my son things that other moms have the ability to give to their kids. I have lost my temper, I have held my son and shed tears of joy, thankfulness, and desperation. Desperation, because I am so desperate to be the perfect Mom and yet I feel like I am constantly falling short. But over the last week or so the Lord has impressed on my heart a few things. He has shown me that in my weaknesses He is strong. In my desperation He is my calm in the storm of life. In my discouragement, He is my hope. And in my loneliness, He has never forsaken me.

I will never be the perfect Mom. My decisions and choices wont always be the most popular. I don't now and probably wont in the future have it all together ever second of everyday. But you know what.... that is Okay.  Because our purpose as Mothers is not to perform for other Mom's, but to be transformed by God everyday into the Godly mother he desires us to be. So, and I place myself in this as well, I want to encourage all the mothers I know out there lets stop the performance. Lets be real, lets be honest, lets be doers of the Word and not hearers only, lets be the Mothers we are called by God to be.

Hebrews 12:1-3 (NIV)

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

^"6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong"

New Year, New Beginnings and NO resolution. :)

As this New Year approached I began to consider what my resolution would be for the upcoming months. The normal resolutions are just not good enough anymore. Eating less, exercising, being more on time, etc, etc are usually put aside within a few weeks and then I feel like a failure. Being in the "pit of despair" (thanks Anne of green gables for that lovely phrase) at the beginning of the New Year is dismal at best and not how I want to start out. So I have gone back and forth. This New Year brings a lot of exciting prospects as well as its own set of challenges that every year so thoughtfully brings to us. I am so tired of putting such high expectations on myself. My husband very sweetly says to me often that I am my own worst enemy and as much as I hate to admit that he is right...well..he's right. I am a perfectionist. Not in every way, but in a lot of ways. In the past if I made a resolution and did not complete it one day or messed up I would quit. I would get angry that I was not good enough to begin with and would just throw in the towel. Then as years past I just would not do anything. I mean if you never try you never fail..right?
Well, if we never fail we never learn either....

So what does this mean for 2014? Well, I am different person in many ways this year. Manly because I am now a mother and what I do and how I do it is no longer about me, but about my son.

Never trying is not an option anymore.

Quiting because I do not feel good enough, or pretty enough, or spiritual enough is not an option anymore.

So for 2014............I WILL NOT MAKE A RESOLUTION!

But...I will try to exercise when I am not doing laundry, cleaning dishes, changing diapers, wiping tears and kissing boo boos.

I will try to eat better when I am thinking of what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner for my family.

I will try to be more organized while juggling a baby, a marriage, a home, grad school and an enormous amount of other responsibilities.

I WILL make the time to spend time with the Lord. Because in all honesty nothing in my life will be accomplished with out Him.


All of these goals will have there ups and downs, but that is okay. Why? Because I am not setting myself these high expectations that cannot be fulfilled. But I can set goals that I can strive to accomplish all the while knowing that everyday is different and I am not sure what they will bring. But the Lord knows my abilities and my limitations. He knows how much I can handle and when my load is to heavy. So there it is. I guess you could say my resolution for 2014 is not to have a rock solid, have to get it done or I will die, unreachable resolution. I am looking forward to living life with my little boy, my husband, our family and friends in 2014. I am even looking forward to my failures and of course my success's. But most importantly I am so excited to see what the Lord will do this year. Honestly the New Year is more exciting to me then Christmas because it is always full of God's blessings and provision. I may not know what He will do with our family this year, but whatever is in store will be an amazing journey for my little family.


So Happy New Year everyone!! Enjoy the excitement of seeing what the Lord will do!

                                                                                    

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11