When God pushes the pause button.....

Yesterday was what I consider to be a pretty bad day. Nothing seemed to go the way it was supposed too. I was tired, the baby was overly fussy, I was worried about him, the house just did not seem to get organized no matter how hard I tried. Then to top it off I tried to make something new for dinner which almost burned the house down, ruined a tray of cookies and was not very  nice to my husband (because of course he was the reason my day had gone bad...shakes head.....oh how immature I am). I spent the remainder of the evening fuming and thus had another rather sleepless night. Yes, all of that did happen in one day....shocking....but I am sure I am not the only one with a bad day here or there. So this morning I drag myself out of bed to make lunch for the hubby and kiss him goodbye still wearing the remnants of my bad attitude of the day before. I kept thinking selfish thoughts such as why did yesterday have to happen to me....why did I have to do this and deal with that.....and on and on went my pathetic mental soliloquy. So this morning I was eating breakfast and was scanning through my facebook page and I happened upon this tribute video a Mom made of her little girl. As I read the title I could literally feel the Lord push pause on my day......this tribute was of a little girl who lost her life in the Sandy Hook tragedy on Dec 14, 2012....one year ago this weekend. I pushed play and watched how a family had been through one of the most difficult situations and how they had found peace and hope.

God pushed the pause button.....

As I watched this video, with teary eyes, I felt ashamed. Here I was complaining and in reality just being a really big pain in  the rear end wishing that I did not have to deal with everything that was going on in my life. And then this family handling the worst possible circumstances and they are thankful....their not complaining, their thankful.

Sometimes God needs to push the pause button in our lives to help us understand that this life we live is not about us. It is not about me getting my own way  or having a perfect day all the time. No, our lives need to be about Him. Everyday needs to be about how I can glorify  Him and surrender myself.

This weekend as we continue our lives, finish (or begin) our Christmas shopping, enjoy moments with our families.....please take a moment and remember the families of Sandy Hook and lift them up in prayer.

The Good, the bad, and the beautiful moments of motherhood thus far....

So I have been a mom now for 6 weeks...6 WEEKS!!....where has the time gone. I mean I was always told that the older you get the faster life goes, but I guess I just never understood what that meant. There are so many things that I have learned since becoming a Mom. Once Jonah was born I realized that while I was pregnant I was a Mom, yes, but not until this little man was placed on my chest did I realize what that truly meant. So here are my thoughts of motherhood thus far.

The first lesson I realized is that breastfeeding is no joke. I mean I guess I always believed those ads you see where the Mom is looking absolutely perfect with hair done and makeup flawless and she is smiling down at her little one. Her baby is in the perfect nursing position, perfectly latched on and perfectly content....yeah, ummmmmm that's a bunch of crap. At least in my experience nursing has been not so blissful...don't get me wrong...I enjoy that fact that I can give my baby what he needs and there are some moments that are okay. But those ads paint a picture that's not so true all the time. Like when I am up at 4 am, half asleep, with a screaming infant who wont latch on, and then proceeds to puke down my shirt.....sigh....yeah . But, all ranting aside, despite my not so blissful experience I have to say it is worth it. It is worth going through the pain and the frustration for those beautiful moments when my son looks up at me after eating, full, satisfied and smiles. It makes all the late nights, all the puked on shirts, and all the tears of frustration completely worth it.
Another lesson I have learned is that being a Mom is a sacrifice. You might be thinking well..DUH! I know, I know...I knew it would be, but I didn't realize that it meant the possibility of not getting a shower some days until before I fall asleep, or that my clothes would become burp clothes, or that my normally clean house would turn into a messy house (that drives me crazy). But again its worth it because while I may have to learn to suck it up and deal with these things, what I gain is moments with my son that I may never get back. Lets face it I can always fit in a shower at some point, clothes can be replaced, and there will always be dirty dishes and dirty laundry whether I have a new born or not. What I wont always have are these precious moments. I have been able to see him become more alert and recognize my voice, I get to comfort him when he doesn't feel good. I get to memorize his face while he's sleeping in my arms. These are the moments I wont get back. So I have learned to take quick showers, wear clothes I do not care about unless I am going out, and not get all bent out of shape when my house does not look the way I want, because enjoying these priceless moments with my son are worth more than all of that.
Another lesson I have learned is that I am a paranoid parent. Yes, its true. It may not shock you, but it sure shocked me. I mean I have been around kids so much that I thought I was not going to let little things get to me. Like how often he is passed around, or whether peoples hands are sanitized, or worrying my head off about his safety. Well, I proved myself wrong. I am pretty much always concerned about passing him around depending on who we are with. Most of the time when I am with other people inside I just want to be like: "I am sorry but you can only look at my son and while your at it please do not touch him or breathe near him." I also feel the need to order hazmat suits for visitors so that germs do not come near him. In fact if I could install a shower room outside my house where people could be sanitized before entering my home that would be even better. I understand how ridiculous this sounds. I mean I have argued with myself so many times to just chill out. I mean yes he is fragile, but just like every other baby they can with stand more then we realize. (I still think the hazmate suits are a good idea though).

Despite my breastfeeding nightmares, the sacrifices that I am learning to make, my paranoia and countless other lessons I have learned so far I could not be more grateful for my life right now. I mean I am living my dream job!!! Seriously, this is all I have ever wanted. Be married to the man of my dreams and be a stay at home Mom. I know some might think I am insane to want that and honestly it may not be for everyone. But its what God has called me to do. It is what he designed me to do and I love it!!!

So for those out there that are new moms or moms to be hang in there. We got this!! You will have good moments and bad moments. You will feel like a bad mom at times, you will probably shed a few tears, but I promise you its all worth it. So take a breath, let it out and enjoy the good, the bad and the beautiful moments of motherhood.  :)

An Early Blessing

Over the past nine months I had been told over and over again by so many people that first pregnancy go the longest. I was told to not get my hopes up that I would be early or on time, because first babies always take their time. Honestly, I was fine with this. I wanted our baby boy to be healthy and strong and to come into this world when he was good and ready. So Davy (my husband) and I were slowly but surely getting ourselves prepared for his arrival, but knowing that it may be longer then expected. At 37 weeks I made sure our hospital bags were packed just in case, but never really thought I would need them ahead of time.  I had baby shower back at home on Sept 14th. Most amazing baby shower ever. We were so blessed and overwhelmed by everyone generosity and love for our son. At the shower I again was gently encouraged to not get to frustrated if this baby took his time coming. Well, he proved everyone wrong. LOL! At 4:00 the next morning, three hours away from my doctor and hospital, my water broke. Since this is my first baby I was not quite sure that what had just happened was actually my water breaking. But within minutes my contractions started and were consistent. I called my Mom and my hospital and was encouraged to go home and wait it out. So at 7:00am on Sept 15th, my husband helped me into his truck and we left his parents house to head to either the hospital or our home depending on how I was feeling. In retrospect driving three hours with my water breaking and contracts beginning at about 3min apart and lasting longer then 30 seconds was a bit crazy. The doctors at the hospital thought so as well. :)......I have to say it was a memorable trip. Stopping at a sheetz and walking in while trying to breath through a contraction and not have my water break all over the place was a difficult task. My husband driving through a red light as we got closer to the hospital may be cliche, but again its a funny memory of my birth story. Once we got to the hospital and checked in and got a room my contracts had slowed some, but were still somewhat intense. I was already progressing pretty fast and my nurse thought that we would have this baby pretty soon. We were so excited, but I was worried my Mom and sister (who were on their way) were going to miss it. Little did I know that they had plenty of time. My birth plan was simple. Have a baby as naturally as possible, but all the while just wanting a safe and healthy delivery. I wanted to see what my body could do. I did not want to use a medications if it wasnt necessary. Thankfully this hospital is amazing and they respected every wish that I had on my birth plan. Never once pressuring me into doing anything I didnt want to do. But after 24 hours of labor with no progression past being 6cm dialated and the fear of the baby getting an infection or lack of oxygen or both one doctor suggested I try pitocen. I respect how he explained everthing to us. He never pushed us into anything he very respectfully suggested some alternatives and said that my husband and I should talk it over. The fear was that if I did not progress that I would need to have an emergency c-section. Well I chose to have the pitocen which was not on my birth plan. But we needed to speed things up and I was physically so exhausted after being in labor for by then over 24 hours. Sadly the pitocen did not work and only made my labor more intense and my contractions unbearable. My body had been working so hard that by this time I really had not much left. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed feeling very defeated. I had not cried at all, but at the point I could not hold it in any longer. I remember my husband putting my head on his shoulder and saying that I needed to consider an epidural.

Deep down inside I wanted to scream NO! I can do this. My body is made for this! I just need more time! But my head was telling me your baby is more important then your pride and what you think you need to prove. At this point I think my mother instinct kick in and it did not matter anymore what people thought if I got an epidural. It did not matter if it made me look weak or unable to handle pain. My mission at that point was have a safe delivery and a healthy baby boy. So I recieved the epidural which HELLO!! was the best form of medicine ever known to man in my opinion. I was able to rest and within a matter of hours I was 9 1/2 cm and ready to deliver.

So after 39.5 hours of labor and delivery my husband and I welcomed our son, Jonah David, into this world. He is healthy and strong and more loved then any baby I know. That moment when he was put on my chest was the most amazing moment in this world. I remember looking at my Mom and saying how he was so worth going through all those hours of labor.

I could not have done any of this with out my amazing support system. My husband was incredible. I cannot explain how in those hours I grew to love him more then I ever have. He was rock the whole time. Encouraging me, advocating for me, pushing me to keep going. I am once again in awe at how blessed I am to be apart of this man's life. He truly is the best husband in the world and is now proving every day to be the most amazing father.

I also could not have done it without my Mom and sister. They were with me the entire time. Making me laugh, Encouraging me, praying for me. It was such a comfort and help in those moments when I literally felt like I could not go through one more contraction and my Mom or my sister would say "you can do this. You have come this far. you can get through another one." They were amazing and I am so grateful to them for not only being there, but then staying with me for over a week to help me adjust to being a mom. Our relationships have grown so much stronger in these last few days and I will never forget the memories that were made.

My husband and I could not have accomplished any of this without the prayers and support of our family and friends that came and stayed at the hospital for hours. I could feel every prayer and I know it truly helped.

So the moral of the story is....you never know when a baby is going to decide to come into this world. But the good thing is the Lord knows and Jonah came on the exact day and time that He wanted him to be here. I never thought I could love someone so much. He is my answer to prayer and I am so thankful to God for given Davy and I the priviledge to be his parents.

For those that read this that may be pregnant for the first time or want to be in the future I want to encourage you with something. Make a plan for your labor and delivery. But do not feel guilty or unworthy if for some reason it does not work out. I know the descions that my husband and I made allowed our baby to be born safely and that is what matters. If things do not work out as planned so be it. The Lord keeps reminding me of a verse, Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Sometimes our plans do not work out because God has something better for us or he knows what is better for us. So make a plan, but trust God to work everything out in His own way.

~Summertime Happenings~

As I have said before I am probably the worlds worst blogger when it comes to being consistent. I just get so busy, which leads to exhaustion, which leaves me staring at a computer screen not really wanting to relive everything I just did. I am sure there are others out there who understand what I am saying. So because so much time has passed since the last time I wrote I decided that rehashing everything in a really long drawn out post would be soooooo boring. So instead here are so pictures highlighting all our summer happenings!

My Lovely Sister graduated from College!!! 

So proud of her!!! 

We had a Gender Reveal Party!!! 

So cute!!! 

We are having a baby boy!!! 

Jonah David Bass, Due October 2, 2013!
Can't wait to meet him!!! 

I got a new sister in law!!! Love her!! 

We are not a family to be messed with...lol! 

We went to Hawaii!!! (This was right after a ten hour flight....we were so happy to finally be there!)

It was a vacation we will never forget!!!! 

A little getaway :)

So this past Wednesday my sister and I decided to leave for Easter vacation alittle early and surprise my parents. It was awesome!!! I have not had the chance to surprise my parents since college so it was fun to see my Mom's face when we walked in the door. Very priceless moments. :) I will admit being home and having my mother spoil me for a couple days was amazing!!! I think ever since I found out that I was pregnant I have just missed being home. I think the combination of going through something that you have never gone through before and then combine that with the constant nausea and vomiting I guess I just got alittle overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed I tend to want to be in a familiar place which for me is back home where my parents are. Everything there just kinda..I dont know...doesnt seem as scary or challenging. Maybe its just that I have been blessed with an amazing relationship with (in my opinion) the best parents in the world!

Yeah I know that we are supposed to challenge ourselves and live our lives out of our comfort zones. But seriously people there is nothing wrong with just wanting to be near your Mom sometimes. I am the type of person who likes to know everything about every new stage of life. I right notes, I read books, I research until I literally cannot think anymore. This is a blessing and a curse because while I might be prepared I am also so overwhelmed with so much information and thats when I tend to crash. Thats when the worries, the fear, the anxious thoughts of whether im mommy material start creeping into my brain. So add all of these thoughts with the fact that I was going so stir crazy being at home because I was so sick for so long and you have a the potential for an atom bomb effect in my home. I am pretty sure my husband was so easy to convince about letting me go home because he could see this potential disaster and wanted to be as far away as possible :) Needless to say an emotional explosion was averted as soon as I walked into the door of my parents house and smelled the familiar house smell, and ate my  mommas good food, and enjoyed laughing and joking around with my sisters and brother. Like old times. Honestly I do not remember the last time when our family was together like that and it was the best medicine in the world for this overly emotional and slightly irrational pregnant woman.

After being on this trip I have learned and was reminded of a couple of things. The pregnant sicky feeling will go away.....eventually, I  really love my own bed despite this amazing vacation, that family is more important then anything else, and nothing compares to my Moms home cooking. But more importantly I was reminded by my incredible smart Mother that the Lord has a plan for this baby and that while I will never be the perfect mother He will guide and direct me to be the the kind of mother this baby needs. All the books and research and note taking can not compare to just allowing God to work everything together the way he sees fit.

It was an amazing weekend and yes, I did shed a few tears as we drove away from my parents house. I think it was a combination of being upset that I ended up throwing up my mothers wonderful Easter lunch and just being so thankful for the time I got to spend with them and not really wanting it to end. Thankfully I have a husband who understands my ridiculous need to cry all the time and is always there with a supportive shoulder and a joke or two to make me laugh.

All in all it was an wonderful little getaway and I am so thankful for my amazing family, for my wonderful husband and his family and more importantly for God orchestrating my life in such a way that I have the awesome blessing to be surrounded by the most encouraging support system. It truly is gift.

Everything that has happend and more....

As I sit here on this beautiful March afternoon, drinking a cup of my favorite mint tea,  I am struck at everything that has happened since that last time I wrote. Needless to say my life after moving to Lynchburg  changed in a huge way. We do not always know why the Lord sends us places, but we can trust that its a bigger purpose then we could have even imagined. So bare with me as I try to bring you all up to date on where the Lord has taken us in the last year and a half.

      Shortly, after we moved I began working as a full time nanny for an amazing family. It was such an answer to pray and the relationship I have with the family has been a continuous blessing to not only me, but Davy as well. Through this family I had the amazing privilege to travel with them to India. Yes...you read write.....India! There are so many details and experiences that I could write, but to sum it up I would have to say it was humbling. Growing up in a Christian home, as a pastor's daughter, and then going to a Christian school and university I created a very comfortable bubble for myself. For many who know me I am not a risk taker. I like my routine and while I have grown to handle change it is still not something I look forward too. Accepting the invitation to go across the world was definitely  out of my comfort zone. For stance, I am not an experienced flyer, I had never been out of the country, and I am not to fond of heights. Put all of those together and it doesn't really create the greatest start to this amazing trip. The Lord is good, however, and He gave me the peace I needed (helped that I was distracted by four little boys for the long 15+hour plane ride). Going to a third world country was a eye opener to say the least. I was so humbled and reminded of how grateful I am to have been born in the United States. While our government and economy are not where they should be by any means, I am so thankful that I live in a country that still allows me the freedom to live the way I do and believe the way I do. Will I ever have the opportunity to go to India again? I am really not sure, but I will never forget the time I spent their, the people that I meant, but more importantly i will never forget witnessing the presence of the Lord in such a spiritually dark cultural. Our God is a big God and He is worshiped everywhere and it is amazing and such a testimony to watch others in their own language worship the same God that we do here. It is more powerful beyond words.

Well, that trip was over a year ago and goodness it is amazing to see what God does in just a year. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be Mom. We all have a calling in life. I was never one of those girls who really wanted to be or do just one thing such as being a nurse, or teacher, etc. I was inspired by those occupations, but nothing just ever seemed to fit. Being a Nanny for so many years really helped me understand what my true calling is. To some this may be weird to others it may be normal. But I truly believe that my calling is to be the best Mom that I can be. Every since I got married, which was not that long ago, I have prayed, and begged, and driven my husband crazy about wanting to have a baby. The Lord just kept saying.....wait. I finally realized that I needed to let it go. I was becoming angry that it was not the right time and being selfish about wanting it to be on my time table. Some times I believe the Lord just wants us to put things in His hands completely. Let me repeat that word  COMPLETELY!! He wants us to trust Him to know the timing for every new stage in life.

Well at the beginning of this year I finally just put it in His hands and began to focus on other parts of my life that had been neglected. And what do you know on January 21st, my 25th birthday, I received the best gift ever. Davy and I found out that we are expecting!!!! Now while I would love to right that we were so over joyed that we hugged and cried and laughed and we had one of those movie moments. Um.....no. It was more like us sitting on the edge of our bed, looking at two pink lines, with laundry on the floor and our mouths hanging open. Lol. Makes me laugh thinking about it. Now it has been quite some time since that night and we are over our shock (well...for the most part)...and are so excited to meet our little peanut this coming fall. While the nausea, vomiting, fatigue and other asundery symptoms are not the most ideal nor fun to go through, I am so forever thankful for this little bundle. Since then sometimes I just sit in awe and think about this little person. No one really tells you how soon a Mothers love kicks in. But I have so much love for this baby. I think about it, pray for it. worry about it and the list goes on and on. But most of all I am thankful beyond words that the Lord has allowed us the privileged of being parents.

There is so much more I could write about babies and pregnancy, but for now I will leave you with this one thought. As our baby continues to grow and Easter draws near I am struck with a different perspective. I have been thinking of Mary, Jesus' mother. She carried Him, raised Him, and served with Him. And on that day she watched her son die for the world. She stood by His side and watched Him take His last breath. What faith! What strength! Lord, guide me to be more like her. To have such faith in you that it over shadows the intense love I already have for this little baby.

Baby Bass 11 1/2 weeks!!